Sample Letter #1

Dear Editor,

I am writing to request that your newspaper reduce the amount of space devoted to covering sports.

This will allow people to reclaim countless wasted hours of their lives. It's simple, painless, and costs nothing: just stop reading about and watching sports. America has become a nation of drooling, vapid morons who stare at televised sports for hours. They wear clothes and shoes emblazoned with sports logos, their vocabulary is peppered with sports lingo, their drinks are recommended by sports commercials, and they decorate their living spaces with sports paraphernelia. In short, their lives are defined by sports; their character depends on whether "their" team wins or loses. What idiocy.

It's not that sports are bad. They're not. There's nothing wrong with a little exercise or a neighborhood softball game. But when a person would rather watch someone else play and have fun, instead of getting off their fat, lazy ass, there's something wrong. When it's considered to be unamerican or unmanly to not be interested in sports, there's something wrong.

Why is all America subjected to this constant barrage of sports when only a few of us are interested? I am sick and tired of having my favorite show pre-empted because of a damn sporting event! I am angry that whole pages of the newspaper are devoted to something as insignificant and uninteresting as sports scores!

Please do your readership and your business a favor by raising the quality of your fine periodical by reducing its sports content.

Thank you.

Your ex-subscriber