Wishing Everybody Here A Happy New Year 2011

[Fat Man]

Good evening everybody.

It is now almost 9:00 PM Mountain Standard Time here in El Paso Texas as I'm typing this. I'll post this at 9:00 PM.

I don't like going out on New Years Eve. I prefer to celebrate quietly at home with a few close friends instead. We have a few drinks and plenty to eat, because it's not a good idea to drink on an empty stomach. So I like to provide lots of fancy snacks.

Also, I don't get drunk any more. When I was in my 20s and early 30s I did get bombed out of my ever lovin' skull a few times but not anymore. Now that I'm older I have a little bit more common sense. Getting drunk is stupid!

It's not fun getting so fucking drunk until you get so damn sick and have to talk to Ralph on the great white telephone or bow down before the porcelain alter.

So, I limit myself to no more than two Bloody Marys and a few beers, and that's it. I might get a little bit buzzed, but I don't get falling down drunk. When I start to feel a little buzz coming on, that's my limit.

Anyway, for snacks, I always prepare the traditional chips and dip. I like to mix up a great big batch of sour cream dip with green onion, creamy dill, Ranch Flavoring, Garden Vegetable, and chives. I also add some small cans of shrimp, crabs, and clams, and some chopped up green olives. And I have a great big bag of Ruffles Potato Chips and Nachos Doritos Chips.

I also like to serve pickled herring on fancy crackers. I get two different kinds of pickle herring in the small 8 ounce jars, the sour cream, and the kind with wine sauce. I use to be able to get four different kinds of pickled herring, the spiced and I forget what the fourth kind was, but now only two different kinds are available. I'm lucky to get any pickled herring at all. I go to Albertsons to get the little jars of pickled herring. For a couple of years I couldn't find any at all anywhere in El Paso, but after complaining continuously to the manager of Albertsons, they now keep some in stock.

And then, I have two Bloody Marys. In a tall glass, I put in 2 shots of Vodka, some soy sauce, Worcestershire Sauce, and some Red Devil hot sauce or Tabasco sauce, and I pour in some v8 Tomato juice and stir it with a stick of celery.

I also have orange juice and Ginger Ale for those who prefer Screw Drivers instead of Bloody Marys. As for me, I can't drink Screw Drives, because for some reason they give me a headache so I have a Bloody Mary instead.

I also have some Amber Bach Dark Lager Beer in 12 ounce bottles while eating, usually 2 bottles.

And that's it as far as the booze.

So, this is what I do every News Year Eve.

Yeah, I remember one year back in 2007, I could not get the tall cans of V8 Tomato Juice. They only had the small cans and it would have been very expensive to buy enough of the small cans to equal 3 large cans, and there was no pickled herring, and they didn't have the small packets of flavorings to put into the sour cream dip.

I hate the redneck culture here in El Paso Texas.

When I asked about pickled herring, most people here in El Paso don't even know what the Hell it is. I tell them, pickled herring is fish. It comes in little jars and you serve little pieces of pickled herring on fancy crackers, and the little flavor packets you add to sour cream to make the dip, and when I try to explain that to anyone around here, their lower jaws go slack. DUH!!!

The usual reaction here is "Oh! so you got to have fancy snacks on New Years Eve! Gee! That sound so gay!" so I asked them how they celebrate News Years Eve, and they just have nothing but hard liquor and get drunk.

Yeah! So this is how the rednecks around here in El Paso Texas celebrate New Years Eve.

They swill down that cheap Buckhorn Beer and get drunk on their ass on Jim Beam. Then at 12:00 Midnight, they go out and fire their shotguns and rifles 12 times into the air, then they puke out in the front yard, and pass out face down in their own puke, and if they don't drown while passed out face down in their own puke, they'll die when the bullet they had fired into the air come back down from the sky and hit them in in the back!

Of course, some of the rednecks around here will hit the bars where they're having a New Years Celebration, drinking nothing but hard liquor with nothing to eat because, after all, having fancy snakes to them is too fucking gay! Then they'll drive home drunk and wrap their pickup trucks about 27 times around a telephone.

I guess all the rednecks around here are trying to see who can win that Annual Darwin Award.

That's why I don't go out on New Years Eve. No thank you.

I won't even step out of the front door at Midnight, especially after hearing gun shots going off in the distance.

No, I prefer a nice quiet celebration at home with a few friends, a few drinks and plenty to eat.

And so . . . . .

I wish everybody here a . . . . .

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

[recovering_fan]

I don't get drunk any more....Getting drunk is stupid!...

...I limit myself to no more than two Bloody Marys and a few beers, and that's it.

? ? ?

[recovering_fan]

Happy New Year, Fat Man ... and everyone.

[Fat Man]

I don't get drunk any more....Getting drunk is stupid!...

...I limit myself to no more than two Bloody Marys and a few beers, and that's it.

? ? ?

Well, when you weigh close to 400 pounds as I do, it takes more than 2 Bloody Marys plus 2 or 3 bottles of Amber Bach Dark Lager to get drunk.

I only get a slight buzz.

I can drink a 40 ounce bottle of Malt Liquor, either King Cobra, Colt 45, Magnum, or Olde English 800 and I don't feel any effect from it. To me it's like drinking soda.

The fatter you are the more it takes to get drunk.

[HugeFanOfBadReligion]

Happy New Years! Not too long ago I got back from celebrating New Years at a friend's house with a few friends. Nothing significant or exciting really happened, but I guess I could explain the night. I got there a bit before 7:00 PM when there were just two other people there, then a few more people arrived, then I ate quite a lot of food because the only food I had the entire day was a bowl of cereal when I woke up at 2:30 PM. After that, we looked through the movies on demand and decided to watch Inception because one of my friends hadn't seen it yet and she wanted to see it. This was my third time watching the movie (it is perhaps my favourite film) but I still enjoyed it. Then when that was over, we still had a few minutes to spare before midnight so we watched 1000 Ways To Die on Spike TV, which is a pretty funny show if I do say so myself. Then about 10 minutes before midnight we changed the channel to the Times Square celebration on TV and counted down from ten until it was 2011. Then we watched a few terrible music performances and then went to the MuchMusic channel to make fun of terrible music videos along with the text messages that people send to the station that are shown at the side of the screen, which contained fairly pathetic statements sometimes insulting their ex's for breaking up with them. Then we changed the channel back to Spike TV to watch the show MANSWERS, which was also quite funny. I stayed until probably about quarter after one until everyone else had either began walking home or had been picked up by their parents, when I began walking home. I walked past several houses which seemed to have some fairly crazy parties going on, and walked past a group of people hanging out in front of their house and walked through their cloud of pot smoke, which was pretty disgusting. So that's my New Years eve for you. I think my New Years resolutions are to eat healthy and to perhaps gain a bit of confidence with the ladies, as I believe both things would be advantageous.

[Fat Man]

In response to Bad Religion:

Yeah! I have also been watching 1000 Ways To Die.

That show is a riot. I love it when moronic idiots chlorinate the human gene pool by offing themselves through their own stupidity!

Then there are some who die, not from their own stupidity, but through some freak accident of nature.

For example: some obnoxious Bible thumping preacher boy while at a party got hit in the chest by a meteor! Yeah, a small 2 ounce chunk of nickle iron that had been orbiting around out there in space for billions of years, then one fine evening it entered the earth's atmosphere, only to hit some preacher boy in the chest killing him instantly. In every social situation, like during a party when everybody only wants to have some fun and enjoy themselves, he was a real buzz kill. Then one night during a party, he got buzz killed by a high speed meteor in his chest!

Well wadda ya know! There is a God!!!

But then, sometimes I'll see an episode that really pisses me off, when some innocent bystander get killed because of an act of stupidity by somebody else.

For example: A couple, during a New Years Eve party at a bar decided to go go outside for some fresh air. Yes, they were both a little bit drunk which is kind of dumb, but they were just walking around outside enjoying the night, and it was just a few seconds after Midnight. As they were walking around, the guy all of a sudden felt a pain in his shoulder and inside his chest, then he collapsed and died, in front of his girlfriend. He was bleeding from the chest. It turned out that a few blocks away, some people were celebrating the New Year by firing their guns into the air at 12:00 midnight, and the unfortunate victim was killed by a bullet that came down from the sky. Firing a gun into the air within the city limits is a felony. This is a perfect example of of how innocent people die because of some other moronic idiot.

That's why I never step outdoors at Midnight on New Years.

It's actually funny as all Hell when these morons kill themselves off through their own stupidity, and that's good for the human gene pool, and it's really good if they kill themselves before they can have any offspring or before they involve some other innocent bystander in their own stupidity.

I have also been watching MANSWERS.

Tonight I learned that I'm actually very fortunate being obese with a nice fat belly. My chances of surviving in a car crash is much better than for the average or much thinner guy, because belly fat acts as more protection behind the wheel, almost like an airbag.

And speaking of alcohol . . . . .

From MANSWERS, I learned where is the most drunken place in the universe. All these gaseous nebulae, like the Orion Nebula for example: while mostly hydrogen, a typical nebula also contains many organic compounds, including ethanol, the same kind of alcohol as in grain alcohol, like in your beer. The nebula with the highest concentration of ethanol is seen in the constellation of Sagittarius, so it's the most drunken place in the universe, or at least in our own galaxy. But if you want to go there to get drunk, you can pretty much forget it, because it's about 26,000 light years away. Also, along with the ethanol, it also has a lot of formaldehyde which is not good.

Of course, since astronomy is my favorite subject, I have always known that a typical nebula contains ethanol, but apparently, the nebula seen in Sagittarius has the highest concentration of ethanol.

Cheers! And bottoms up!

Yeah! I'll drink to that!

[HugeFanOfBadReligion]

For example: some obnoxious Bible thumping preacher boy while at a party got hit in the chest by a meteor! Yeah, a small 2 ounce chunk of nickle iron that had been orbiting around out there in space for billions of years, then one fine evening it entered the earth's atmosphere, only to hit some preacher boy in the chest killing him instantly. In every social situation, like during a party when everybody only wants to have some fun and enjoy themselves, he was a real buzz kill. Then one night during a party, he got buzz killed by a high speed meteor in his chest!

Yeah, that was one of the episodes that I saw tonight. All of us were laughing our asses off when the meteor hit him, the clip was just so funny. I also find the narrator to be particularly hilarious, mostly because in some tragic event where the person didn't necessarily deserve to die, the narrator says something completely obnoxious and offensive towards the victim. Of course that's not good, but we still found it to be pretty funny.

[Fat Man]

For example: some obnoxious Bible thumping preacher boy while at a party got hit in the chest by a meteor! Yeah, a small 2 ounce chunk of nickle iron that had been orbiting around out there in space for billions of years, then one fine evening it entered the earth's atmosphere, only to hit some preacher boy in the chest killing him instantly. In every social situation, like during a party when everybody only wants to have some fun and enjoy themselves, he was a real buzz kill. Then one night during a party, he got buzz killed by a high speed meteor in his chest!

Yeah, that was one of the episodes that I saw tonight. All of us were laughing our asses off when the meteor hit him, the clip was just so funny. I also find the narrator to be particularly hilarious, mostly because in some tragic event where the person didn't necessarily deserve to die, the narrator says something completely obnoxious and offensive towards the victim. Of course that's not good, but we still found it to be pretty funny.

Yeah, imagine somebody getting hit in the chest by a meteor that had been traveling through space for billions of years.

What are the odds of that?

But then, I have read that on average, about once every 400 years or so, a person will take a direct hit from a meteor. I also remember reading that over a thousand years ago, in China, 10 men were killed at once by a large meteor.

Of course, I have read that during my own lifetime, a father and his young daughter were in their car when a meteor crashed through the windshield and took out the transmission. Fortunately neither one of them was hurt because the meteor passed between them.

At least three cars that I know of were struck by a small meteor during the past 50 years and two houses were struck, but in all these cases nobody was hurt.

We now have over 6 billion people living on this planet, and because of a higher population density, the odds of an individual person getting hit has increased somewhat.

Of course, I'm not worried about getting hit by a meteor, because it's an extremely rare occurrence. You have a much greater chance of getting hit by lightening, or and even greater chance of getting hit by a bullet coming down from the sky during a New Years celebration because some moron fired his gun into the air.

But the best protection is to avoid being out in the middle of an open field during an electric storm or avoid stepping outside at Midnight during New Years celebration.

Lightening usually hits the tallest object around, so naturally, one should avoid standing near trees during a storm.

But then, I have seen lightening do some pretty strange things, like missing a tall oak tree and hitting a soda pop bottle laying on the ground about 10 feet away from the tree.

I once saw lightening hitting a log floating out in a lake.

Then I have seen the rare triple bolt of lightening and I once saw lightening fill the whole sky from horizon to horizon, covering the entire sky like a great big spider web. It took about a half hour for the last faint rumbles of the thunder to completely die away from that one!

Yeah, that really scared the holy bee-jeebers outta me!!!

[Lewis]

Happy New Year everyone! I finished off 2010 by watching The Expendables (it was so bad I stopped watching it at the halfway point) and Piranha 3D. I then watchd Goodbye 2010 (more or less the BBC showing fireworks and Big Ben striking 12).

It's good to see Inception fan on here, I loved that film.

[Fat Man]

Well, it's good to see movies and stuff on TV.

Much better than what people see when they get too damn drunk on New Years.

Well, I got up the following morning and I felt great, because I didn't get drunk. I did have a little heartburn probably from all the pickled herring I ate and the Red Devil hot sauce I like to put in my Bloody Marys, but after taking a teaspoon of backing soda in a small glass of water, the heartburn went away.

One does not have to get drunk to have fun on News Years. In fact, getting drunk is no fun especially when you get sick, and start seeing things are aren't really there, like pink elephants, spotted zebras, and stripe giraffes.

Speaking if which . . . . .

Check out this YouTube video.

Johnny Bond - Here Come The Elephants
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_I2pv3HWIcA

==============================

Here Come The Elephants
By Johnny Bond

Here come the elephants two by two
Pink little pachyderms following you
It's about time you start thinkin
About giving up aaaallll yur drinkin!

I did! I did!

You gave up drinkin?

No, but I thought about it!

Aaaaaawwwww!

Aawww you all go away and leave me alone!
Everybody's trying to get me to quit drinkin.
My wife says the only reason she didn't get me
a birthday present is cause she don't know how
to gift wrap a saloon!

And my doctor says if I don't quit drinkin
it's gonna kill me!
But I know a whole lot more old drunks than I
do old doctors!

Even the Red Cross has been buggin me.
They turned down my blood donation cause
they said they found a olive in it!
Well if they didn't put olives in them drinks
I'd starve to death!!!

My wife says I'm spoilin my health drinkin
to everybody elses, but I'm not.
I'm slippin vitamins in my gin so I can build
myself up while I'm tearin myself down!
An my mother-in-law, who is the head of the NBC,
that's the Naggin Bitch Committee!
She says I'm a hard drinker but I'm not. Shoot
drinkins the easiest thing I've ever done in my life!

The only time I ever had a hard time drinkin
was last year on the ocean voyage.
The sea got so rough one night they had to
lash me to the bar!

Here come the elephants two by two
Pink little pachyderms following you
It's about time you start thinkin
About givin up aaaallll yur drinkin!

Well I may have to give it up if I can't get a
better job.
Do you realize the cost of livin is up 27 cents a fifth?
Well I oughtta be able to do better in employment
because I graduated from college.
Magna Cum Loaded!
Speakin a being loaded,
I've been here in this same bar drinkin all day long!

Hey bartender!

Yup?

What time is it?

It's 1 minute after 12 midnight.

After midnight aay!
Welp bottoms up!
First one today!

Here come the elephants two by two
Pink little pachyderms following you
It's about time you start thinkin
About givin up aaalll yur drinkin!

==============================

Yeah! The song is all about pink elephants, but he forgot to include the spotted zebras and stripe giraffes.



But I haven't forgotten to include them!

PS.

I would have posted this much sooner, but I spent several hours creating the above picture just so I can post it here.

[i_like_1981]

Happy belated New Year to everybody on these forums. Sorry I've not been on the forum for a few days. My new year celebrations were rather dull - just sat round the house, drank some beer and watched the incredible fireworks display in London live on TV. They really put on a show this year... one can only imagine what is going to happen in the year 3000 when we get there. I say "we", but everyone alive now will be long dead then. Oh well, I suppose there's a lot to be impressed with nowadays. One exception being the popular music!

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Skul]

Happy New Year!

...Even though I'm a bit late.

[Earl]

Ditto.

[Fat Man]

OK, I had spend 7 hours creating this picture with my MS Paint on my computer.



Why has no one made any comments on this?

[Earl]

Because these are animals that we see every day.