WHAT IN HELL? TODAY IS SPORTS ROCK'S 100th BIRTHDAY? NO WAY!

[Fat Man]

I can't believe this shit!!!

At the bottom of the index page it says . . .

Congratulations to: SPORTS ROCK. (100)

NO FUCKING WAY!!!

There is no way in Hell that he can be 100 years old!

And obnoxious bore like him would get busted across the teeth too many times to live that long!

Now, perhaps his brain is made of 100 year moldy cheese!

Yeah! That's it!

[Earl]

Naw, he's just being silly.

Anyway (and I'll probably make some of the members really mad at me, but I need to be fair), Happy Birthday, SPORTS ROCK.

[Agent 47]

I think it's kind of like dog years compared to human years. With dogs it's 7:1. But apparently with sports bores, it's 100:1 - every year of listening to the boring monotonous droning of a sports bore is like the equivalent of wasting 100 normal human years - he is 100 in sports bore years!

[i_like_1981]

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious!
SPORTS ROCK, 100 years old? I'd like to see his telegram off the Queen of England! Only that way shall we find out if he's really telling the truth! You never know, do you? (Actually, the Queen only signs the pre-printed telegrams - she doesn't actually write them herself to the individual person. Kind of takes the novelty away. It put me off living to 100. But still, it's got the Queen's real handwriting from it and it is really from the Queen! Not bad!)
You can never be sure what people are doing behind the computer. SPORTS ROCK is 99.9% likely to be lying about his age but there is that tiny little chance that he really is a senile, wrinkled like a prawn, century-old jock who has to pick his false teeth off the floor after "laughing his ass off at us nerds". Don't put it past him... some of his posts do show that his brain's going a bit off and he's not as sharp as he used to be in his football-playing days! But then again, aren't the brains of all football players more than "a bit off"? By the time they're 100 they've probably taken so many blows to the head they can't even remember their own name and have to carry it round on a piece of paper so they can remember what it looks like.
Anyway, SPORTS ROCK, I have bought you a FOOTBALL for your birthday. I hope you enjoy it and your arms won't give way when I give it to you. And no, those aren't wasps you hear inside it. The air holes in it seem to be a bit defective. Perhaps you could pull on the little cord on the side to fix the problem?

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[abitagirl]

Now 1981, it's not nice to make fun of old senile geezers like Sports Suck...I mean Rock. I know you might find it fun to steal his Depends or taunt his feeble mind, but you probably wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Happy 100th, Sports Rock. You don't look a day over 90!

[i_like_1981]

Now 1981, it's not nice to make fun of old senile geezers like Sports Suck...I mean Rock. I know you might find it fun to steal his Depends or taunt his feeble mind, but you probably wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Tormenting old jocks... what a complete bastard I can be.
I wonder what he's doing now? I'm sure yesterday was riveting for him. Probably had all his friends from the old folks' home round for tea, biscuits and some Cliff Richard tunes. The highlight of the evening? Probably some old dear losing her glass eye underneath the couch.
And since you came to mention it, I felt so bad last night for making fun of SPORTS ROCK.
After all, he is old, and probably will pop his clogs before much longer. In fact, he may have done already... maybe too much sugar in his tea sent him off the wall?
So SPORTS ROCK, I've bought you another FOOTBALL by means of an apology.
And in case you're wondering what exactly that ticking is inside it, it came free with its own clock... just thought you'd need it to know when "Songs of Praise" is on.

Best regards,
i_like_1981