online confession of a former bully

[Earl]

I was doing a Google search on bullying when I came across an interesting piece, which I've copied and pasted below. It was written by some guy named Bob Bestler (whom I've never heard of) for some website I've also never heard of. Sorry I don't have this information. Anyway, here's an online confession of a former bully.

Saturday, Oct. 30, 2010
Bob Bestler | Bullied victim is successful, the bully still a jock


Hearing recently about so many young deaths that have resulted from bullying took me back to another time when I was involved in a bullying incident.

Sad to report, I was one of the bullies, not the bullied.

I have no idea why we decided to pick on this particular prey, a kind of nerdy classmate I will call Marshall. Maybe he had said or done something we didn't like. Maybe he was the smartest kid in class and we were, like, dumb jocks. Who knows?

Anyway, on a cold Minnesota winter day in our 13th or maybe 14th year, as we left school, three of us chased and tackled our prey, then proceeded to rub snow in his face and down his shirt.

It was, I guess, the meanest thing we could think of doing. It brought tears to his eyes and that was enough for us. Mission accomplished.

It was really a small incident that lasted no more than five minutes, but through all these years, I have not forgotten it.

This may be a reason why:

A few years later, while serving in Japan, I picked up a copy of Stars & Stripes, and there, in a two-page centerfold, were several pictures of 21-year-old Marshall being wined and dined by the U.S. Navy aboard a ship in the South China Sea.

It turned out he had built something called a MARK V Rocket, an 11-foot liquid-fueled missile that he had constructed in his basement back in our hometown.

The rocket was described, according to a Life Magazine article featuring Marshall, as the most sophisticated rocket ever built by an amateur. It had been successfully launched by the Navy at its China Lake test facility.

That same year, 1961, Marshall narrated a half-hour film about studying science in school. The film was introduced by President John F. Kennedy as part of push for space exploration. Yeah, who's crying now?

Marshall worked briefly with the Navy, then with Honeywell Inc. in Minneapolis.

Eventually he formed a high-tech company and received patents for dozens of scientific devices and procedures he invented, things that I could not pronounce, much less describe.

I don't expect that Marshall has totally cut his ties with his hometown, but as far as I can tell he has not attended a class reunion. One year he sent his regrets, saying he was busy with his company.

I sure hope he's not worried about the three bullies. While he was off doing great things for mankind, all we were doing was turning into even dumber old ex-jocks. So it goes.

http://www.thesunnews.com/2010/10/30/17 ... bully.html



I'll make my own comments later. In the meantime, if anyone's interested, flame on.

[Fat Man]

WOW! This guy sounds like a real loooooooooser!!!

I believe that the only reason he's sorry is because his life is all fucked up now, while the guy he had bullied around has become successful.

What? No successful football career? No five million dollar per year contract?

What? No free Hummer? No wait! I forgot! You have to rape somebody first to get one of those!

Oh! Gee! Am I being too cynical?

Well, I hope that he continues to remember the bullying incident he had initiated, and I hope it haunts him for the rest of his life, while he's sitting there in single-axle trailer home swilling down that cheap Buckhorn beer, and Jim Beam.



This forum post was sponsored by the makers of Buckhorn beer.



Also for losers!

[Earl]

Well, Fat Man, for once I share your cynicism. I know we're supposed to think the best of people, but come on! In my humble opinion, there's something about Bestler's comments that just doesn't ring true. So, let's examine his comments in detail and make a few comments of our own, shall we?

Sad to report, I was one of the bullies, not the bullied.

Sad, but not too sad, perhaps, Bob?

I have no idea why we decided to pick on this particular prey, a kind of nerdy classmate I will call Marshall. Maybe he had said or done something we didn't like. Maybe he was the smartest kid in class and we were, like, dumb jocks. Who knows?

Really, Bob? You know, that's really quite amazing. You have no idea why you and your brave buddies chose to victimize someone who wasn't able to defend himself? That's strange. When (for example) a racist of whatever stripe attacks a person of the targeted race, he definitely has "reasons" for doing so. But you and your buddies had no reason. It was just mindless. Well, actually, the reason why you chose to victimize this classmate of yours was this: "Because we could!"

Anyway, on a cold Minnesota winter day in our 13th or maybe 14th year, as we left school, three of us chased and tackled our prey, then proceeded to rub snow in his face and down his shirt.

It was, I guess, the meanest thing we could think of doing. It brought tears to his eyes and that was enough for us. Mission accomplished.

Wow, I'm so impressed by your bravery. Just think of it! Three strong guys bravely combined their wits to overcome one guy who likely had a scrawny build. You know what a threat scrawny guys pose. I mean, the odds were slim; the outcome was uncertain. But you and your brave buddies prevailed. "Mission accomplished"! Wow, am I impressed! This is far more impressive than anything Raoul Wallenberg did in fascist Hungary when he saved Jews from the Nazis! I'm reminded of all the high-school football coaches in this country who place such a high premium upon physical courage. You would think that those who have such high regard for physical courage would look upon such cowardly displays of bullying with particular disdain. But is this what we see in real life? Sure, there are individual coaches who deplore bullying, such as Joe Ehrmann and Biff Poggi. But are the majority of high-school football coaches morally opposed to any of the players they coach bullying physically weaker, nonathletic boys at their schools? I don't exactly hear a deafening response. Well, after all, we recognize that nonathletic boys who have no interest in sports are sissies, wimps, queers, fags and that nonathletic men are not "real men." So, who cares if nonathletic boys are bullied by school "jocks." They're not deserving of any respect, anyway.

It was really a small incident that lasted no more than five minutes, ...

I wonder if it seemed like a "small incident" to Marshall. My, how empathetic you are! Psychologists and other experts on bullying, including those who are inclined to excuse the bully and blame the victim (a favorite pasttime of some people), say that children who are subjected to bullying constantly over a period of time carry emotional scars into their middle age. I'm sure Marshall hasn't forgotten what you and your brave buddies did to him, Bob. He was physically humiliated, but who cares? We don't want to deprive bullies of their "right" to have fun, do we? Especially if the bullies are popular.

... but through all these years, I have not forgotten it.

I'm sure you haven't. Yeah, those were the good old days.

This may be a reason why:

A few years later, while serving in Japan, I picked up a copy of Stars & Stripes, and there, in a two-page centerfold, were several pictures of 21-year-old Marshall being wined and dined by the U.S. Navy aboard a ship in the South China Sea.

It turned out he had built something called a MARK V Rocket, an 11-foot liquid-fueled missile that he had constructed in his basement back in our hometown.

The rocket was described, according to a Life Magazine article featuring Marshall, as the most sophisticated rocket ever built by an amateur. It had been successfully launched by the Navy at its China Lake test facility.

That same year, 1961, Marshall narrated a half-hour film about studying science in school. The film was introduced by President John F. Kennedy as part of push for space exploration. Yeah, who's crying now?

Marshall worked briefly with the Navy, then with Honeywell Inc. in Minneapolis.

Eventually he formed a high-tech company and received patents for dozens of scientific devices and procedures he invented, things that I could not pronounce, much less describe.

Oh, I get it now. That's very interesting. Bullying is wrong if the victim turns out to be successful in life, once he gets out of high school where he was made to feel miserable and probably dreaded every day of school. But if the victim had not been successful and had ended up just becoming another nobody, then I guess the bullying in that instance would be okay. Sure sounds like a great ethical code to me.

... as far as I can tell he has not attended a class reunion. One year he sent his regrets, saying he was busy with his company.

I can't imagine why. Hey, wait a minute. Marshall was being awfully rude by not attending any of his high-school reunions. I mean, after all, one should be sociable. You know, that's what the trouble is with all those nerds. They just aren't sociable. The nerve of them! Seriously, Bob, did it ever occur to you that the reason why Marshall has never attended any of your stupid high-school reunions is because he didn't care to stir up unpleasant memories by looking into your jerk face?

I sure hope he's not worried about the three bullies. While he was off doing great things for mankind, all we were doing was turning into even dumber old ex-jocks. So it goes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it goes, so it goes. Who cares? Bullying is part of life, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, I guess you could say that I'm a bit cynical; and, frankly, I don't care.

[i_like_1981]

Yes, I noticed a rather sterile, uncaring tone about his confession as well. It's like he knows what he's done is wrong but he isn't exactly going to feel terrible about it as that kid went on to become successful. Well, he ought to spare a thought to those kids who didn't make it through the bullying they received. He doesn't really attempt to justify what he did; he just says it in a hope that can be counted as a sincere confession. Well, I suppose he's not as bad as those bullies who never grew up, and still attempt to cause trouble and upset people now, but one can only ask themselves this - would he be saying all this if that kid hadn't grown up to be as successful as he was? Does Bestler fear that one of these days, that kid who's now become rich and powerful is going to get the revenge he deserves, and he's just saying this to try and save face? Who knows. All I can say is, I wouldn't describe his confession as heartfelt or meaningful.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Fat Man]

Good afternoon Earl!!!

I'm so happy to see your cynical side!

You're usually too polite, much too polite.

So, you really need to show your cynical side more often, even if you don't use any 4-letter cuss words as I'm so want to do, that's cool, but you really need to show your cynical side more often.

I love cynicism!!! After all, I'm a Don Rickles fan. We both have much in common. He's an insult artist, and I love to be cynical and post insults towards morons who deserve it, and we're both fat and bald! I also like George Carlin. Too bad his dead now, I really miss him.

Anyway . . . . .

I'm so delighted to see your cynical side!

I love cynicism!

Keep up the bad work!!!

Yes, I noticed a rather sterile, uncaring tone about his confession as well. It's like he knows what he's done is wrong but he isn't exactly going to feel terrible about it as that kid went on to become successful. Well, he ought to spare a thought to those kids who didn't make it through the bullying they received. He doesn't really attempt to justify what he did; he just says it in a hope that can be counted as a sincere confession. Well, I suppose he's not as bad as those bullies who never grew up, and still attempt to cause trouble and upset people now, but one can only ask themselves this - would he be saying all this if that kid hadn't grown up to be as successful as he was? Does Bestler fear that one of these days, that kid who's now become rich and powerful is going to get the revenge he deserves, and he's just saying this to try and save face? Who knows. All I can say is, I wouldn't describe his confession as heartfelt or meaningful.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

Yes, I have to wonder about that!

If Marshall had not become successful, then I'm quite sure that Bestler (Worstler) would have felt that he scored a victory! You know, like, "Ha! Ha! Another nerd gone down!"

But, as it was, Marshall became successful despite the bullying he received, and because of it, he does have the potential to get his revenge and perhaps inflict a lot of financial damage to Bestler and to bring him down.

And that is what Bestler fears the most! So, his apology is nothing more than an attempt to stave off any desire on the part of Marshall to serve up his bitch-ass on a platter.

Well, to put Bestlers (mind?) at ease, there is no need for him to worry, because he doesn't have jack-shit now! What's Marshall ever going to sue him for? Possession of his rinky-dink little cockroach infested single axle trailer home? Eh?

You know, when I was going to school, although I was bullied around by some of the jocks, it was actually nothing compared to the bullying from a few of my teachers, adults who should have know better. A bad teacher who bullies a student actually does far more damage than some other school yard punk who is still wet behind the ears from sleeping on his back while wetting his bed!

I'm not kidding! When I was going to school, even in the 7th grade, some of the bullies I have known actually came to school smelling like piss! But they were Oh so proud because they could kick an oval-shaped ball over an iron post, or put a round spherical ball through a metal hoop. Too fucking bad they didn't understand the concept of personal hygiene! Or how to read and write!

Oh gee! Am I being too cynical again???

Anyway . . . . .

Perhaps I too would have become successful despite the bullying I had received from the other (students?) if only, I had better teachers who would have encouraged me and offered some emotional support.

But, as it was, some of my (teachers?) were actually worse bullies than the jocks in my school, for example: my 5th grade teacher who had punched me in the stomach with a basketball during a PE class in the gymnasium and who also bashed my head up against the corner of a brick wall in an argument over and Astronomy book that he would not allowe me to check out from the school library, not to mention my 4th grade PE coach (whoops! I just mentioned him! Sorry!) who had me suspended from school because I failed to climb a stupid rope. It made no difference that I had a crippled up left knee from being in a car accident at the age of four, or that I was passing all of my other academic subjects. Then in the 7th grade, I got expelled from school because I told a PE coach to go to Hell, and I was advised to get some counseling from Dona Ana Mental health before I could go back to school again, and it was three years before they finally decided I could resume my (education???)

Oh! But high school, that was something else again! A science teacher who was also the football coach too busy to teach science, and made us watch cartoons while he was out coaching his team of pre-frontally lobotomized baboons, and an English literature teacher who only taught us how to play Charades and how to fold paper footballs.

And then . . . my being harassed by some dope dealing jocks and sports fans, and getting my life threatened after I made the stupid mistake of turning them in because they just wouldn't leave me the fucking Hell alone, and then one day, coming into the art class only to discover that my oil paintings were destroyed. All of this caused me to have an emotional and mental breakdown and spending three weeks in a psychiatric ward where I was beaten by the ward attendants, and then, one night, getting raped by an older man.

Yeah! I imagine that in my case, all the bullies I had encountered feel as though they scored a victory, so I don't expect to get any apologies from them anytime soon. I can pretty much fucking forget that!

Ah! But there is one consolation!

It's knowing that only about one in a thousand high school athletes ever make it into professional sports, and the rest of them just end up bagging groceries or scrubbing toilets for the rest of their short lives while living in their single axle trailer homes, swilling down Jim Beam and guzzling that cheap Buckhorn beer, and eating nothing but greasy fried foods while watching football on TV during Sunday afternoons, until one day, they jump up, clutching their chests and gasping for air, and fall over backwards from a massive heart attack at the age of only 45 or so, and later on in the evening, their slutty bucktooth wives come home only to see their husbands laying on their backs with their toes pointing toward Orion!

Oh! Gee! Am I being too cynical again?

[recovering_fan]

If Marshall had not become successful, then I'm quite sure that Bestler (Worstler) would have felt that he scored a victory! You know, like, "Ha! Ha! Another nerd gone down!" ... Oh gee! Am I being too cynical again???

Here's the sad truth, Fat Man. If Marshall had not gone on to become successful, Bestler would not have cared about Marshall or even thought of him. Bestler's world never revolved around Marshall, although perhaps, as i_like_1981 suggested, the ex jock does lose some sleep these days fretting over what revenge his erstwhile prey could exact on him.

--RF

[Fat Man]

If Marshall had not become successful, then I'm quite sure that Bestler (Worstler) would have felt that he scored a victory! You know, like, "Ha! Ha! Another nerd gone down!" ... Oh gee! Am I being too cynical again???

Here's the sad truth, Fat Man. If Marshall had not gone on to become successful, Bestler would not have cared about Marshall or even thought of him. Bestler's world never revolved around Marshall, although perhaps, as i_like_1981 suggested, the ex jock does lose some sleep these days fretting over what revenge his erstwhile prey could exact on him.

--RF

Revenge Of The Nerds, anyone???

Yeah! I really loved that movie, and I have seen all three episodes!

I would love to see it again someday.

[ChrisOH]

Well, I hope that he continues to remember the bullying incident he had initiated, and I hope it haunts him for the rest of his life, while he's sitting there in single-axle trailer home swilling down that cheap Buckhorn beer, and Jim Beam.

HEY! I like Jim Beam (actually prefer Jack Daniels, but any whiskey or rum will do) with Coke as my drink of choice at parties.

Never heard of Buckhorn beer -- is it a local thing in your area, Fat Man?

(Around here we have Great Lakes Brewing Company, with its Burning River beer -- "celebrating" the time the Cuyahoga River caught on fire from burning waste back in the late 1960's or so. It tastes to me just like a drink named for burning sewage should taste....BLECCCH! But people seem to love it around here, for some odd reason....)

[ChrisOH]

I can't imagine why. Hey, wait a minute. Marshall was being awfully rude by not attending any of his high-school reunions. I mean, after all, one should be sociable. You know, that's what the trouble is with all those nerds. They just aren't sociable. The nerve of them! Seriously, Bob, did it ever occur to you that the reason why Marshall has never attended any of your stupid high-school reunions is because he didn't care to stir up unpleasant memories by looking into your jerk face?

I haven't gone to any of my class reunions either, the last being the 20th in 2008, largely for the reasons you mention, Earl. When returning to my hometown last year to visit my father, I ran into my best friend from high school at a restaurant. He hasn't gone to any of the reunions either; as he he put it, "I couldn't stand those a-holes back then, why would I want to see them now?"

Sometimes some of the former jock-tards from my school will message me on Facebook and want to "friend" me, and I promptly mark them for ignore. Yeah, I know perhaps I should give people the benefit of the doubt for growing up in 20 years, but honestly, like Earl surmised about Marshall, I don't wish to be "friends" with people who could do nothing but mock and torment me when they saw me on a daily basis. I've got better people to be friends with -- I don't need them.

Am I being too cynical here? Gee, I hope so!

[Fat Man]

Well, I hope that he continues to remember the bullying incident he had initiated, and I hope it haunts him for the rest of his life, while he's sitting there in single-axle trailer home swilling down that cheap Buckhorn beer, and Jim Beam.

HEY! I like Jim Beam (actually prefer Jack Daniels, but any whiskey or rum will do) with Coke as my drink of choice at parties.

Never heard of Buckhorn beer -- is it a local thing in your area, Fat Man?

(Around here we have Great Lakes Brewing Company, with its Burning River beer -- "celebrating" the time the Cuyahoga River caught on fire from burning waste back in the late 1960's or so. It tastes to me just like a drink named for burning sewage should taste....BLECCCH! But people seem to love it around here, for some odd reason....)

Well, I once tried Jim Beam, and at least to me, it has a kind of a metallic taste almost like sucking on a rusty nail.

I prefer Black Velvet. It's not an expensive whiskey, but it tastes pretty good.

Also, I prefer to sip it straight. I actually get sick to my stomach if I mix whiskey with Coke.

A long time ago, back in 1972 someone once gave me a can of beer, and it was Buckhorn.

When I opened the can, it smelled like old wet tar-paper torn off a shit-house roof! Well, I had hoped that it would taste better than it smelled, but no, it tasted even worse. Then all of a sudden, the the smell became worse than the taste, then I took one more sip, and the taste became worse than the smell, then after my second sip, the smell became worse than the taste.

There is just something weird about Buckhorn. The smell hits you first, then after that, the taste and the smell run a race with each other to see who can become the worse, so they just take turns going back and fourth to see who can outdo the other. I call it the see-saw effect.

So, after that, I didn't take any more sips, and I got so pissed off that I actually threw the can of Buckhorn back at him, and told him to never come around me ever again! Buckhorn is so bad that anyone who gives me a can will have made an enemy of me for life! That's how bad it is!

I really don't know if they even make it anymore. I haven't see it around in years.

It's probably produced in a secret brewery somewhere down in a deep dark sewer!

All I know is that the rednecks liked it because it was so cheap. Back in 1972, it was only about $0.80 for a six pack while most beers back then cost about $2.50 for a six pack.

Buckhorn has to be just about the worse beer ever made!!!

[ChrisOH]

Well, I once tried Jim Beam, and at least to me, it has a kind of a metallic taste almost like sucking on a rusty nail.

I prefer Black Velvet. It's not an expensive whiskey, but it tastes pretty good.

Also, I prefer to sip it straight. I actually get sick to my stomach if I mix whiskey with Coke.

I think I may have had Black Velvet at a holiday party this past year.

I probably go to two, maybe three drinking parties a year (Fourth of July, one or two Christmas/New Year's parties) and the occasional wedding reception. For me, age 35 was the "magic age" where I felt a hell of a lot worse the next morning than how good I felt from drinking so I limit myself now to just enough to be sociable.

There is just something weird about Buckhorn. The smell hits you first, then after that, the taste and the smell run a race with each other to see who can become the worse, so they just take turns going back and fourth to see who can outdo the other. I call it the see-saw effect.

So, after that, I didn't take any more sips, and I got so pissed off that I actually threw the can of Buckhorn back at him, and told him to never come around me ever again! Buckhorn is so bad that anyone who gives me a can will have made an enemy of me for life! That's how bad it is!

I really don't know if they even make it anymore. I haven't see it around in years.

It's probably produced in a secret brewery somewhere down in a deep dark sewer!

All I know is that the rednecks liked it because it was so cheap. Back in 1972, it was only about $0.80 for a six pack while most beers back then cost about $2.50 for a six pack.

Buckhorn has to be just about the worse beer ever made!!!

Maybe they were bought out by the Great Lakes Brewing Company!

GLBC also makes Irish ale, Christmas ale, Old Leghumper (yes, that's a real name of a beer!) and a few others, but Burning River's the worst (not that the others are good, mind you!)

[Agent 47]

I see some mentions of Jim Beam And Coke on here.

*shudder*

Have you guys tried mixing JB with lemonade (or Sprite, or 7Up, or Mountain Dew, or whatever it's called), instead?

I highly recommend it.

To me, mixing with lemonade instead of Coke still lets that nice caramel flavor of the JB come through, but without that toxic taste of the Coke ruining it.

Or as Cartman would say -

"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!"

[HugeFanOfBadReligion]

Yeah, that guy is definitely not completely remorseful of what he did. Seems to me like he's just trying to be forgiven for what he did, but he's not really sincere in his confession. The part that really annoyed me was when he said it was just a small incident. It may have lasted only five minutes (and really, five minutes still isn't a small amount of time when you're being tormented by a group of people), but it definitely stayed in his mind for way longer than those five minutes. I'm positive that he still thinks about the incident today. Anyway, I'm glad that the victim ended up being successful while those other assholes just rotted away in their hometown. In the long run, Marshall proved his superiority. I almost wish Marshall would just go to his reunion just to make it clear that he is better than everyone who was an asshole to him in highschool. But then again, he likely just doesn't ever want to see them again, and maybe he's just smart enough to realize that he doesn't need to prove how he's better than them at a reunion. Either way, I'd like to succeed in life, and in a few decades, go to my reunion and make it clear that I've gotten farther than all of the douchebags from school. I can just imagine it now "Oh really, you're working at the gas station? Hmm... Oh, right, I think I remember seeing you there when I was filling up my Cadillac". Maybe I'm getting to ahead of myself, but I'm sure it would feel good to see them as failures at life in the future.

[i_like_1981]

The part that really annoyed me was when he said it was just a small incident.

He probably considered it a small incident just because it was short and there wasn't a lot of physical brutality involved. What he doesn't realise is that incidents don't have to be physically PAINFUL to be very traumatising and upsetting for the victim. Knocking someone to the ground and rubbing snow all over them isn't painful but it is degrading and ruins that person's dignity in a way that can be seen by others - all their clothes wet, hair dripping and face cold. There was a lot of stuff done to me that wasn't painful but was still pretty damaging. I think about some of it now. Just tipping a water bottle down somebody's back, or even uttering a couple of bad words, can be just as damaging to a person's emotions as a full-blown beating, if the intent is spiteful. Anyways, this Bestler guy doesn't seem fully sincere to me. He's probably saying all this because he wants people to think that he's a good person by admitting what he's done, but like I say - would he have said all this if he hadn't found out that kid had become successful? I don't know, but finding out someone they tormented for no reason has risen up in the world is ALWAYS more likely to stimulate an apology from egoistic jocks.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[recovering_fan]

Either way, I'd like to succeed in life, and in a few decades, go to my reunion and make it clear that I've gotten farther than all of the douchebags from school. I can just imagine it now "Oh really, you're working at the gas station? Hmm... Oh, right, I think I remember seeing you there when I was filling up my Cadillac". Maybe I'm getting to ahead of myself, but I'm sure it would feel good to see them as failures at life in the future.

Okay, but I still say that if you let them dominate your thoughts in any way, or if you spend a second of your time thinking about them (as anything except than obstacles that you unfortunately have to negotiate), then they have won. Some bullies are so farcically stupid that it makes about as much sense to seek revenge against them as it would to relish the idea revenge against a rat living in your walls.

--RF