Earl submits a controversial post at The Good Men Project

[Earl]

In the forum of http://goodmenproject.com on April 30, Cameron Conaway posted the OP for a topic he entitled "5 Reasons Why Bullying is Getting Worse." The topic is subtitled with the statement "Cameron Conaway lists five reasons bullying is on the rise, as well as concrete methods of combatting this increase." Here is a link to the topic in its entirety.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-cont ... ing-worse/

Conaway's first unindented paragraph reads as follows:

"Bullying is a complex issueâ? has become a clichéd phrase without substance. Politicians sling it around to sound knowledgeable and celebrities use it to sound in touch with reality. It is complex, but itâ??s an issue that will not change unless we move away from sound bites and move into a national conversation about why.

He then lists five areas of concern, each one of which has a paragraph devoted to it. The second item, in particular, caught my attention.

(2) Physical Education. â??Crisisâ? is another term thrown around loosely these days, but it could certainly apply to the physical health of todayâ??s youth. In an attempt to keep up with academic powerhouses like China, weâ??ve adopted an ideology that puts far too much emphasis on classes other than physical education. Physical Education is not simply playing dodgeball. Though exercise and play are important for children in terms of regulating hormone production and even fostering strong minds, itâ??s essential that we also educate todayâ??s youth on why exercise is important. Exercise makes kids smarter, and Iâ??d argue that it also makes them more tolerant of others

Actually, I lost my temper. I was angry because, in my opinion, his comments on mandatory P.E. have the effect of hurting students who are bullied in mandatory P.E. classes. His comments about mandatory P.E. display an incredible degree of ignorance. He seems to not have a clue. Possibly because his athletic background has placed him beyond the experiences of nonathletic boys, he is unaware of the particular problems they face as they grow up in a society whose culture is saturated with sports. Bullying of nonathletic boys has long been a problem associated with the traditional (sports only) approach to mandatory P.E., as opposed to very recent reforms that actually provide fitness programs (Imagine that!) instead of compulsory team sports; and I dare say this kind of bullying has been condoned and ignored (and sometimes even encouraged) for generations. Granted, my post is not well-written. I was tired when I wrote it late at night. But that's beside the point of my topic. Anyway, my post (which was the first that was submitted in response to Conaway's OP) is quoted below.

â? Exercise makes kids smarter, and Iâ??d argue that it also makes them more tolerant of others.â?

Are you kidding? Are you out of your mind? Ask nonathletic boys if much tolerance is shown towards them when they are forced to participate in team games in a mandatory P.E. class. Your assertion is absolutely ridiculous. Dodgeball itself is bully primetime. Itâ??s nothing more than an opportunity to bully an unpopular nonathletic kid in P.E. Some of the worst bullying takes place in P.E. classes. Iâ??m talking about physical bullying, not mere name-calling. Do you think scrawny boys and fat boys are well-treated in traditional sports-based P.E.? The extent of your ignorance is absolutely appalling. Sir, please try to enlarge the borders of your awareness. Sports-based P.E., which is what you seem to advocate, is hellish for nonathletic kids. Many P.E. coaches are prejudiced against nonathletic boys â?? calling them â??feminized,â? sissies, wimps, fags. They define masculintiy in terms of sport, which means that nonathletic boys will be deemed inferior and treated as such..

I agree that exercise is important, but forcing nonathletic kids to participate in sports simply does not work and is actually a form of institutionalized cruelty. There are a few good programs available that actually provide exercise programs that work. The best one I know about is PE4Life. But many people donâ??t seem to care about good programs that actually do some good. Instead of encouraging nonathletic kds to become active, they cram sports down their throats, which results in some of the worst bullying Iâ??ve ever heard.

I happen to be very physically active myself. For several years Iâ??ve hired a personal trainer to work with me on a bodybuilding program. My health club experience has been quite beneficial and even therapeutic, in direct contrast to me P.E. experience â?? which was nothing but humiliation and misery, which you seem intent to impose on the latest generation of nonathletic kids. Shame on you.

Yes, if I had calmed down and slept on it, I wouldn't have written in such a confrontational tone when I posted my response. (Plus, my response would have been better written.)

Reading the other responses from the bottom up, I learned that Conaway's response to my response was snarky. So, I didn't read it, because I didn't care to be personally insulted (and bullied) by a complete stranger; and I won't bother to quote it here. Some of the worst bullying in the schools takes place in junior-high and high-school gyms, but what does he care? For that matter, how many in the sports crowd care?

I've quoted (in chronological order) the posts of the forum members who responded to his personal attack on me. Not a single one defended him. As you read these posts, please notice what these Good Man Project members say about mandatory sports-only P.E.

Nice bit of shaming there, Cameron. Do you respond to all critiques this way?

Do you agree with his general point that non-atheletic kids are treated like trash in the Physical Education System? Or not?

If not, Why? If you do, then say it.

Do you also agree with the fact that sports, though a healthy thing, gets pushed way too much on kids who arenâ??t interested and not built for sports? Or not?

Itâ??s as simple as that.

Iâ??m no sports fanatic. And let me tell you, Physical Education Class was horrid for me. I hated changing with the other boys because in elementary school theyâ??d make fun of my penis size or at least stare at it with a smirk. Which is why, in high school, I always changed in the bathroom and avoided the boys at all cost. If they scoffed at my penis size back then, god knows what they would do as high schoolers to me if I changed with them.

Physical Education Class wasnâ??t interesting to me either. It had its moments, but overall I wasnâ??t crazy about it.

Thatâ??s my two cents.

The fact that non-athletic kids are bullied by athletic kids is considered common sense. Itâ??s not always true, but it is one of the more common types of bullying and always has been, at least between boys. It is more common though less intense than the homophobic bullying that keeps making the news.

Actually though the two types are related, as both unathletic males and homosexual males are often seen as failures, though the homosexuals are considered bigger failures.

Bill was not trying to engage in bullying but rather express intense shock at Cameronâ??s ideas.

Cameron seems to believe that just improving studentâ??s health will make them into better people. This is simply not true. It is false for what should be obvious reasons. Smart people are not morally superior. Physically able people are not more ethical. Good circulation does not equal good karma.

Seriously Cameron, where did you get this silly notion from?

It isnâ??t utterly impossible, but the Cameron doesnâ??t really offer any evidence that improved health, via exercise and/or nutrition would make kids treat each other nicely. Thereâ??s two sentences:

1. â??Exercise makes kids smarter, and Iâ??d argue that it also makes them more tolerant of othersâ?
2. â??And a healthy body composition increases confidence and bullying often festers because of a lack thereof.â?

1. he never actually makes that argument.
2. I see the logic, however I read about research that suggests that bullying is often caused when a kid develops a superiority complex. Such a person probably has too much confidence, and feels to need to attack anyone who doubts them, and to bully easy targets to prove their superiority. This research has been around for several years and partly caused the fall of the pro-self-esteem craze of the 1990s. However the research since them doesnâ??t seem to be reaching any strong conclusions.

However it does seem obvious that the causes of bullying are rather complex, like Cameron said a single article can merely scratch the surface. Though I would advise one also look at sociological phenomena.

Though please Cameron elaborate on sentences 1 and 2 discussed above, please.

Mr. Conaway-

Billâ??s emotional impairment aside, everything he said regarding mandatory P.E. is true. In junior high and high school (1984-89) I saw it in action toward my non-athletic friends and my younger brother (who was, and still is, obese), and with regard to dodgeball, I also was on the receiving end of the athletic/bulked-out classmates desire to see who could raise the biggest welts with the ball. The only moments I did shine were in team-related activities: volleyball, softball, and while not team-related: archery.

Iâ??ve heard it said by parents of my generation and older, that this sort of targeting-the-perceived-weak behavior is nothing more than the establishment and maintenance of the social pecking order, similar to the contest for the title of Alpha Male in a wolf pack. While thatâ??s probably accurate, Iâ??d like to think Iâ??m a little more advanced than my dog, and not just because I have opposable thumbs with which to operate the can opener.

While Billâ??s comment was definitely emotion-driven, itâ??s dangerous to describe emotionâ??s clouds as an â??impairmentâ?. Just as real clouds serve a purpose, however they may inconvenience us when the yard needs tending, emotions too serve a purpose-complete with inconvenience to our intent to act rationally.

I actually donâ??t find any impairment in Billâ??s comment.

What was apparent, though, is that he was hurt majorly by his peers in high school. The hurt is pretty raw and he was expressing it. It didnâ??t help that Cameron outright dismissed it with his snark response.

Bill was also very honest about his hurt and explained fully where it came from. So no, there was hardly any impairment from his emotions. Now, if he went out and attacked Cameron full blast, insulted him, without any reason whatsoever then Iâ??d see impairment. Since none of that happened, Bill did fine.

Cameron, your arguments are weak. Your reaction to Bill is even worse.

The intent of the bully is not to win an argument. The intent of a bully is to establish a dominant power dynamic over another person (which can include group exclusion).

I think we both know that Bill has no interest in establishing a dominant power relationship over you. Consequently, his foreceful rejection of your article is not bullying.

You have taken a number of important educational issues, all of which I agree with, and wrapped them up in a nonsensical enchilada that you call â??bullyingâ?. It just did not work.

In at least two of your five blurbs, you subtly blame the victim for being bullied. I am a bullying researcher and speaker and blaming the victim in any way removes responsibility from the aggressors. While leading a more healthy lifestyle with some sort of physical release for stress and better nourishment helps a person cope with the stress of bullying, not fitting into the patriarchal masculinity-based paradigm of what boys and girls ought to be gives no one the right to abuse someone. Being abused is never the victimâ??s fault.

I agree that laissez-faire parenting has contributed to an increase in bullying insofar as parents are not teaching their children to respect themselves and others. However, close to 2 in 25 people are born sociopaths with 70% of the sociopathy present at birth. These people are true bullies and are not fixable.

Before you declare any expertise on the matter, be sure to do your homework and treat commenters with respect, or you too are a bully.

[Earl]

P.S. I forgot to mention that I've posted in the Good Man Project forum under the username "Bill." Of course, I'm sure you figured that.



I also apologized for the intemperate tone of my first post. Again, not an example of my better writing.

Thank you, Eagle34. Ah, thereâ??s an advantage to reading the comments from the bottom. I wonâ??t be reading the snarky comment.

I was a bit strident; and for that, I apologize. But my position hasnâ??t changed. Historically traditional mandatory P.E. has had a dirty little secret; and that is, nonathletic boys have often been bullied in those classes. It just goes to reason. If a P.E. class divides into two teams, the presence of the nonathletes will be resented by the more athletically inclined students because theyâ??re a drag on the teamâ??s performance. The atmosphere in such P.E. classes is a mixture of social Darwinism and machismo. Nonathletic boys are stereotyped as wimps, sissies, and fags. But nonathletic boys, historically being marginalized, suffer without anyone in their corner.

I have no problem with team sports in the schools. Traditional â??sports onlyâ? P.E. should be optional, however. If P.E. is to be mandatory, then a genuine fitness program such as PE4Life should be provided, allowing nonathletes to have a choice. Incidentally, PE4Life has been shown to reduce bullyng. As I said, I support physical fitness programs. The old P.E. did absolutely nothing to encourage nonathletic kids to become physically active. Today I get more exercise in a single workout session with my personal trainer than I ever did in an entire year of mandatory P.E. There usually wasnâ??t even any instruction in the sports themselves. All I ever learned in P.E. was to fear coaches and athlete classmates.

Cameron, if you think Iâ??m just making this all up, do Google searches on â??P.E. bullyingâ? and â??phys ed bullying.â? Youâ??ll be amazed at what youâ??ll come up with. There definitely are problems with the Internet, but at least those who were voiceless now can speak out. The truth of the matter is that the bullying of nonathletic kids in traditional mandatory P.E. was ignored and condoned. â??Itâ??s just part of life,â? blah, blah, blah. If you demand that traditional P.E. be mandatory in all school districts without using programs that actually work (such as PE4Life), you are not decreasing bullying. Youâ??re actually increasing bullying (piling on in the showers, urinating upon the victim in the showers). If this is what you choose, I hope you can live with it.