abitagirl wrote:The Rapture did happen. I am writing to you from Heaven. Apparently the rest of you weren't so lucky. Oh well. Enjoy the next 5 months.

You mean, you have Internet access up in Heaven?
Gee, I wonder if they also have it down in Hell.
Hey Earl! You say you're a Christian. How come you didn't get caught up in the rapture?
Oh! I know!
It's probably because you didn't give 10% percent or your income (that's 10% percent of the gross and not 10% percent of the net) to Pat Robertson's 700 Club and buy a little piece of silk cloth treated with holy oil.
SHAME ON YOU!!!
Well, it looks like you're stuck down here with the rest of us rotten sinners! Eh?
Oh well, let's party!!!
I'll bring a couple of 12 packs of Amber Bock Dark Lager beer, some chips and dip, and we can have pickled herring on fancy crackers, and some V8 Tomato Juice and vodka for Bloody Marries.
Everybody here has to bring something to the Post Rapture Sinner's Party.
Everybody is welcome, including professing Christians who didn't get raptured because they didn't give shit to Pat Robertson, or some other shit like that.
And Earl, since you don't drink, you can bring lots of soda, Coke or Pepsi, or whatever you like to our party, but you have to bring something. OK?
Nobody brings Kool Aid!
Absolutely no Kool Aid! OK?