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Sample Letters

Dear Editor,

I am writing to suggest a way for people to reclaim countless wasted hours of their lives. It's simple, painless, and costs nothing: just stop watching televised sports. America has become a nation of drooling, vapid morons who stare at televised sports for hours. They wear clothes and shoes emblazoned with sports logos, their vocabulary is peppered with sports lingo, their drinks are recommended by sports commercials, and they decorate their living spaces with sports paraphernelia. In short, their lives are defined by sports; their character depends on whether "their" team wins or loses. What idiocy. What an outstanding lack of a life.

It's not that sports are bad --they're not. There's nothing wrong with a little exercise or a neighborhood softball game. But when a person would rather watch someone else exercise, instead of getting off their fat, lazy ass, there's something wrong. When it's considered unamerican or unmanly to not be interested in sports, there's something wrong.

Why is all America subjected to this crap when only a few are really interested? I am sick and tired of having my favorite show pre-empted because of a damn sports event! I am angry that whole pages of the newspaper are devoted to something as insignificant and uninteresting as sports scores!

I am sick of being stared at with disbelief when someone asks me, "how 'bout them dawgs?" and I say, "is that a basketball team?"

Please do your readership and your business a favor by raising the quality of your fine periodical by reducing its sports content.

Thank you.

Your ex-subscriber