STUPID SPORTS QUOTES
"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago." (David Coleman) Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." "Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs" (David Coleman) "We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite." (Murray Walker) Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through? Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50." "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost." (Frank Bruno) "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people." (David Coleman) "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." (Murray Walker) "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman) "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter) "Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are running." (Ron Pickering) "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect." (Ted Lowe) "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round." (Tony Crozier) "The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that's the day you start to the top." -O.J. Simpson "Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." -Ron Atkinson "I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player." -John Kruk "I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf." -Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf "I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, 'Dave Wehrmeister's got 11 letters. Is that a big enough name for you ?'" -Eddie Eichorn, White Sox owner "Raise the urinals." Darrel Chaney on how management could keep the Braves on their toes "The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play." -Reggie Jackson "Ninety percent of the game is half mental." -Jim Wohford "Always root for the winner. That way you won't be disappointed." -Tug McGraw "People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000." -Pete Incaviglia, baseball player, 1990 "They shouldn't throw at me. I'm the father of five or six kids." -Baseball player Tito Fuentes, after getting hit by a pitch. "I'm a 4-wheel-drive pickup type of guy. So is my wife." -Baseball player Mike Greenwell "There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, 'You never know.'" -Pitcher Joaquin Andujar "That's why I don't talk. Because I talk too much." -Joquin Andujar "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." -Baseball player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters "I lost it in the sun!" -Billy Loes, Brooklyn Dodgers Pitcher, after fumbling a grounder. "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." -Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model "You guys line up alphabetically by height." -Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." -Bill Peterson, football coach "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." -Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, 1991 "I don't care what the tape says. I didn't say it." -Football coach Ray Malavasi "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid." -Former football player/announcer Terry Bradshaw "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." -Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs, 1986 "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first." -New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers "Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious." -Charles Shackleford of the NCSU basketball team "I've won at every level, except college and pro." -Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships. "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." -Jason Kidd "Are you any relation to your brother Marv?" -Basketball player Leon Wood to announcer Steve Albert "It's almost like we have ESPN." -Magic Johnson, on how well he and James Worthy work together "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." -Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982 "Tom." -Tom Nissalke, New coach of the NBA's Houston Rockets, when asked how he pronounced his name, 1966 "I'll always be Number 1 to myself." -Moses Malone "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." -Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my (CENSORED) clothes." -Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker "I'm glad you're doing this story on us and not on the WNBA. We're so much prettier than all the other women in sports." -Martina Hingis in Detour Magazine, 3/98 issue. "My potential speaks for itself." -Liliah Osterloh (USA) who finished the year ranked 111 in 1998. "It's a nice bonus but, you know, I have to pay taxes too." -Venus Williams after winning the Grand Slam Cup. "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" -Alan Minter "I'll be back." -Heavyweight boxer Peter McNeeley, five days after being pummeled in his fight with Mike Tyson. "[He] called me a 'rapist' and a 'recluse'. I'm not a recluse." -Boxer Mike Tyson, on writer Wallace Matthews "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." -Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota, 1996. "I'm a golfer -- not an athlete." -Lee Westwood of Britain, the world's fifth-ranked golfer. "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" -Greg Norman "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical" -Murray Walker "It's basically the same, just darker." -Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, 1991 "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother." -Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator "The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball" -John Francombe "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." -Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977 "Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres." -David Coleman "Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago..." -David Coleman "Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of." -David Coleman "There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class." -David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria....I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." -Pat Glenn - Weightlifting commentator The best quotes from Sky TVs rugby man, the ubiquitous Murray Mexted: "You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that." "He's looking for some meaningful penetration into the backline." "Spencer's running across field calling out, 'come inside me, come inside me.'" "I can tell you it's a magnificent sensation when the gap opens up like that and you just burst right through." "I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him" "Darryl Gibson has been quite magnificent coming inside Andrew Mehrtens, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the same today." "There's nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside" "Everybody knows that I have been pumping Martin Leslie for a couple of seasons now."